Empty Nest? How to Cope When Your Child Goes to College

After 18 years, it’s finally happened: your child is going to college. While this is an exciting time, it can also be an anxious one, especially for parents of young adults who suddenly find themselves with an empty nest. Conflicting feelings during moments like these are common. You might find yourself reminiscing about milestones like your child’s first day of school, perhaps remembering the family dog waiting by the door as part of the morning routine. This nostalgic memory now feels especially poignant during this transition.

Let’s face it, you’re proud that your child is going to college. It’s a big step, one that takes years of hard work and dedication. But you may also fear loneliness or the possibility that your purpose in life will change. It’s normal to feel sad or even experience grief after your child’s departure, as these emotions are a natural response to such a significant change. It’s an emotional time, but you will get through it.

Here are some techniques to help you on your journey towards your new life (which is a fantastic opportunity!) and to help you cope as you adjust to an empty nest after your child leaves for college. This is the beginning of a new chapter, and while you may feel a sense of wonder about what lies ahead, there is hope for growth and fulfillment. After many years of parenting, the first week following your child’s departure can feel especially significant and emotionally charged.

For the past 18 years, you’ve been a parent, someone’s “mom” or “dad.” For a mother, this transition can be especially profound, as many may feel lost or need to redefine themselves after their child’s departure. While that fact never changes, it doesn’t have to be your primary identity anymore.

Instead, it’s a great time to try on new hats. Consider yourself as a “spouse,” a “friend,” and a “professional.” Maybe “world traveler” or even “student” feels like a better fit. You have an empty nest, and the choices are yours. Embrace it for the opportunity that it is! Empty-nest parents often face the challenge of rediscovering their identity and may feel lost before they decide on a new direction.

You don’t have to limit yourself to just one, but do take the time to see which options resonate with you. This is a perfect time to rebrand yourself as an individual and steer your own life back in a direction that appeals to you the most.

If you’ve let other relationships fall by the wayside while you were raising your child, now is also a perfect time to rekindle them. Whether you and your spouse haven’t had the opportunity to connect as adults as often, or your circle of friends was based entirely on sharing parenthood experience, you can work to forge stronger relationships with the other people in your life as you get used to having an empty nest. Focusing on your marriage, or your friendships by strengthening the bond in the relationships during this transition can help you grow closer and find renewed satisfaction in this new stage.

It wasn’t that long ago that, for most parents, sending a kid to college meant not seeing them very often. Now, thanks to digital technology, staying connected to their children is a breeze. Technology also makes it easier for parents and children to talk and share their feelings during this transition, helping everyone feel more supported.

Video chats and text messaging can help fill the gaps as you and your student get used to being separated. You can still learn about what is happening in their lives, offer comfort, and even see them regularly. Just because they aren’t living under your roof doesn’t mean the connection has to falter, so look to technology to help you both keep in touch no matter the number of miles there are between you.

However, it is vital (for both of your sakes) not to hover over your college kids and everything they do. Some parents overcompensate when their child goes to college, taking on the mantle of “helicopter parent” even if that was never their style before.

It’s important to understand that your child’s college experience is also about them becoming an adult. While that isn’t always easy, and there will almost certainly be some heart-wrenching conversations as they adjust, you have to let them live their lives and gain their own footing. Being too involved won’t help you adapt to your child’s departure and may actually make it harder for you both to deal. Being prepared for changes in how and when you communicate can help both you and your student adjust more smoothly to this new phase.

In many cases, parents worry about their student’s well-being once their student is off to college. After all, their child is having an entirely new experience, and it’s normal for them to face some challenges along the way.

While parents mustn’t swoop in and get too involved, offering your student support in the form of a care package is an excellent idea. It’s a chance to give them a nice surprise and show your love for them.

Consider planning a series of care packages during the year. Some great times to send them include:

• Birthdays and holidays
• Finals weeks
• After an achievement

When you prepare a care package, you want to make the contents personal to them. Include treats or small gifts that align with their likes and interests. For example, you might include cozy socks, herbal teas, or a sleep mask to help your student rest and recharge. If you have a daughter, you could add her favorite snacks or self-care items; for a son, consider sports gear or a new book. Care packages for daughters or sons can be tailored to their hobbies, while an only child might appreciate a handwritten letter or a special keepsake. Siblings can also contribute to these packages by adding a note or a small gift. Make sure that what you include is both fun and useful. That way, it’ll have the most significant impact.

Sending your student to college can be emotionally challenging. It’s perfectly normal to experience various feelings along the way, including sadness, fear, frustration, and confusion. Some parents struggle with the transition and may need extra support to cope with these changes. That’s why having a support system is critical, as it gives you a place to turn when you need a bit of help.

Other family members and friends can be an excellent resource during challenging times. Fathers and father figures also experience emotional challenges during this period and may benefit from support just as much as mothers do. You can also join Facebook Groups and find local meetups to speak with other parents whose children have recently gone to college. Many parents find support in various ways, such as through friends, family, or professional help.

If you’re still struggling, don’t overlook the benefit of speaking with a counselor. Trained and licensed mental health professionals are an asset during difficult periods, and they can help you work through your emotions, develop coping strategies, and otherwise find ways to live your best life. For some, the adjustment to this new phase can take several years.

Just because your child has headed off to college doesn’t mean you won’t be able to get together again soon. In fact, there are a lot of opportunities for visits!

Now, don’t just fly or drive out to see them during the school year without notice and come crashing into their dorm room (that isn’t necessarily going to go over well). Instead, you can plan to head over to their campus on the next “family weekend” hosted by the school. Attending an event like that can actually do a lot to put your mind at ease, as it gives you a chance to see how things are going with your child and dorm life now that they have begun their college experience.

It’s also important to remember that the school year is filled with holidays. Thanksgiving, winter break, spring break, and next summer will all come along faster than you anticipate, so make plans to get together now. Returning to the family home during these breaks can be especially meaningful, as it provides comfort and a sense of belonging for both you and your child. Anything from spending time at home to heading out to a favorite vacation spot together should be on the table. That way, you both have some family bonding time to look forward to, making adjusting easier.

Just make sure to realize that they may want to spend some of their time off with friends, so don’t force them to fill your empty nest whenever the chance arises. Instead, discuss it with them, see what options work for you and your child, and take things from there. Each visit may also mean another emotional goodbye, which is a natural part of this transition.

This may seem like odd advice, but throwing an “empty nest” celebration can actually be really helpful. Hosting a party can mark the beginning of a new phase in your life and the process of nesting in a different way, as you adapt to new family dynamics and embrace renewal. First, it serves as a great way to recognize your transition into a new phase of life. And second, it gives you a reason to get together with other empty nesters, friends, and family members.

Yes, the transition is strange, but it is also amazing. Think about it; it’s almost like taking a step back in time. Your children aren’t at home; you have your own space now, and your day no longer has to focus on child-rearing or the activities associated with managing a larger household. It’s a chance to start new traditions and explore what you want to get out of life. In some cases, you and your spouse may see an empty nest as an opportunity to feel like newlyweds again. And why not? You’ve got the house to yourselves again!

So, invite some people over, gather up some food and drink, and have a great time celebrating your new life with an empty nest!

One of the most important things to remember when you adjust to an empty nest as a college parent is that it does get easier with time. Like any other major life transition, having your child head off to college initially feels bizarre. It will affect your usual patterns, and you’ll miss seeing them around.

All of this is totally normal, but you will get more comfortable with your empty nest.

As you grab your new life by the horns, you might find that any anxieties you may have had melt away. Over time, many parents discover a renewed sense of joy in this new stage, finding happiness in self-discovery, new opportunities, and deeper relationships. Plus, watching your college freshman progress into adulthood and make it on their own is a marvelous thing to see.

Both you and your student are starting a new adventure, so it’s a time filled with excitement and possibility. Think of all these things you will both experience now that you have an empty nest. Although the family dynamic has changed forever, the bond between parent and child remains strong. A new life awaits you both, but it’s still a journey you will always get to take together—a walk you continue to share, even as you move forward on separate paths.

Lastly, while your child may have taken off for college and paid this semester’s bill, know that applying for scholarships is still an option. And while many families want to sit back and wait until spring to think about how to pay next year’s bill, now is the time for college students to apply. There are also many resources available for those experiencing empty nesting, offering support and guidance during this significant transition.

There is also a lot of advice for parents struggling with an empty nest. Some of the books listed below are filled with heart-warming, feel-good stories that can leave you inspired, while others will speak specifically to your current situation. These books are especially helpful for any empty nester looking for guidance or comfort during this period of change.